In her recently published and much-talked-about book, Lean In, Facebook Chief Operations Officer, Sheryl Sandberg, asserts that more female leadership will lead to fairer treatment for ALL women. If you haven’t picked up a copy of this little gem, I suggest you do so. It’s spirited, spunky, and supports what I’ve long espoused as truth:
We gotta TAKE a seat at the table so we can be heard if we’re gonna make an impact on the way things are done.
(BTW, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, that’s a BIG OLE reason I do what I do, empowering women every day via coaching).
So–I’ve been looking around in my own life for examples of how we, as normal, everyday, professional women can
LEAN IN.
Here are 3 ways to LEAN IN that I’ve witnessed or experienced recently. My hope is that these acts inspire you to do some leaning in of your own!
1. Toss Your Hat in the Ring and Do the Outrageous–Just Like at the Circus.
A good friend of mine recently decided to LEAN IN by tossing her hat in the ring for a promotion within her current organization. For a long time, this friend thought that she wasn’t “ready” for this next step, so she held back. In the end, however, while it was terrifying to consider the increase in responsibilities that would accompany this promotion (should she get it), she nonetheless felt she MUST go for it in order to “give voice” to some concerns she has about the overall mission and direction of the organization. And so, just like leaning into the mouth of a tiger, into the ring of competition for a promotion her hat went.
Ultimately, the job was not a fit for her and, truth be told, she felt no love loss when she got her “rejection” letter. What she did find was that the whole experience of LEANING IN and pushing outside her comfort zone allowed her an opportunity to get a seat at the table with some VERY influential people–if only for a few hours via her interview process–who for the first time REALLY listened and, more importantly, responded favorably and positively to her ideas. In addition, she is now on the radar screen as someone who wants to be considered “up and coming,” and she has a renewed zest for her job. How cool is that? ALL from a little leaning in.
2. Share and Share Alike–Just Like You Tell Your Pre-Schooler to Do.
How many responsibilities do you take on at home that REALLY could be shared with your spouse? If you’re taking the lead on child-rearing, housekeeping, pet-tending and the like, not sharing these responsibilities 50/50, your likelihood of success as a leader goes DOWN, DOWN, DOWN. You need to be an equal partner with your spouse. A client of mine who struggles with this recently sat down with her hubby and had this “hard” conversation about getting his involvement more in the domestic realm. The funny thing is, he was totally receptive to the idea. He pointed out that he thought she liked to control everything, so he stopped “stepping up” long ago because he felt he could never match her expectations when it came to those “at home” duties. I can’t tell you what a familiar story this is for SO MANY WOMEN I work with. The simple fact is, we have to learn to LET GO and SHARE and SHARE ALIKE (just like we educate our pre-schoolers!)–otherwise we’re doomed. When my client realized she could actually LET GO and DO MORE SHARING with her partner, she felt this amazing sense of freedom–almost giddiness–and her relationship with and to her homelife changed in dramatically positive ways. Give it a try–LEAN IN to true 50/50 partnerships.
3. Care Enough About Yourself NOT to Care What Others Think About You.
In her book, Sandberg points out that a woman’s level of success in negatively correlated with like-ability. In other words, the more successful a woman is in this world, the less probable it is that people will like her. This is a HARD ONE for me! I hate rejection and, as much as I try to let go and overcome it, I care what people think. I want them to like me–to really like me (remember Sally Field at the Oscars?!?)! What I’m coming to realize, however, is that not everyone is going to like me. EVER. No matter what I do, be, say, feel, think, etc. SO–I gotta just care about what I think and feel and release the need to feel validated by others. I have BIG dreams and ideas about where I’m headed, which might mean that there are those who aren’t going to come along with me and/or who think I’m nuts and/or who don’t like the direction I’m headed…and that’s okay. I’ll hold them in my heart with love and allow them an opportunity to move in their own direction. No harm, no foul. I realize that I care enough about myself not to care what others think about me. I’ve got to LEAN IN to my own being, my own footpath, my own sense of pride and belief in self. That’s the only way I’ll ever truly make an impact as a leader.
How are you going to LEAN IN?
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